Skip to main content

Church can be a tough place...

If you know me even a little, you know church is a favorite place of mine. I grew up in a church. Literally. For three years in NYC, my dad pastored a Spanish-speaking church and we lived on the main floor of the church. 

My father is a retired minister and chaplain. My grandfather was a minister. Even have a few grandmothers who were ministers. I, too, was a chaplain for about 8 years. One might say church is in my blood.

Over the years, I've heard a lot of unkind things said about pastor's children. I even had one well-meaning youth leader pull me aside in junior high to remind me that I'm no better than anyone else and needed to remember that. Trust me, I do remember to this day.

I do know that some pastor's kids were given free reign and were allowed to do what they wanted and receive little to no reprimands. That didn't fly with my parents. It probably helped me that I didn't have much of a rebellious bone in my body growing up. I left that to my siblings. :) 

Where am I going with this? I need to slow down and reign in my thoughts before they get away from me! This post could head down a lot of trails!

Ah, but back to my point. I have had people tell me over the years that I don't understand what kind of pain their church put them through, that I couldn't understand the humiliation and that I couldn't imagine the things said to or about me. That is where they are wrong.

I have been asked to leave leadership. I have been called very terrible things by a church board. I have been accused of favoritism and not putting in my dues. I have had leadership go behind my back to higher leadership in efforts to have me removed. 

I've known deep pain caused at the hands of self-righteous people. I've been dealt many blows in the "Name of the Lord", pretty confident, though, that He wasn't addressed in their dealings with me and my family.

This photo above shows me as I reentered a church I had not stepped foot in for 20 years. I've told only some of what happened. Many were left with whatever was told to them or what they speculated. The long and short of it was the new leader had an issue with me after I confronted him on someone that he'd let go. In my opinion, I didn't think it was right and I sought him out to discuss it. I was told that it had nothing to do with me and dismissed. I was called back to his office about a week later and told that he didn't think it was working out for me to remain in leadership and that it would be best for everyone if I stepped out. I had been struggling with his leadership and wondered how much longer I could hold out in that environment, but loved the kids I ministered to so deeply, I was torn. I tried to get him to let me go to the retreat, but he said that this needed to happen now with a clean break. I got to tell my kids the next week and leave.

NO ONE messaged me after I left. NO ONE checked on me. I'd spent about 6 years of my life with that leadership team, ministering along side of them, but once I was out, I was left out completely. Devastated didn't begin to cover what I felt. I didn't even find it within myself to attend any church for a year after that, choosing to worship alone.

Fast forward to this year and Covid upended everything...even the church I had grown to love. I felt it necessary to leave that church for many reasons not necessary to bring up here and found myself at a loss. Again.

With my nephews attending Christian Life Schools, I decided since it was just online, I'd go "back" to the church where I'd been hurt deeply 20 years ago. Watching it on YouTube wasn't difficult and I enjoyed the messages. Then came Christmas Eve when I felt led to attend in person. It was as extremely difficult decision (outside of Covid-related reasons) and just opening the doors caused me to stop and breathe deeply. BUT...I went anyway.
 

Friends, the people in this church at the time, THEY hurt me. The building itself did not. And God by no means hurt me. If you're not attending church because of how people have treated you, I beg you to give it another chance. MOST people are not like the ones that hurt me at this church and at a past church. MOST love you regardless of position or background.  MOST are striving to show the love of Jesus, not the judgment of the Pharisees.

Please, please don't give up church for the actions of some. Your soul isn't worth playing with even if someone seemed to think that was okay. They will be held accountable for how they treated you. But now is the time to stop and rethink your role in Christ's kingdom. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Unemployed - Part Two

In my last post I mentioned this would be the "rest of the story". I realized a bit ago that this actually is just the middle of the story as God hasn't shown me the "rest" yet. Again, I'm not going to go through and edit this. Again, I'm just being real, typos and all. Where we left off, I'd left my job and now you understand why more fully. It was my mental health or working for her. I chose health. A few weeks before I left, I'd heard a song by my current favorite band, Unspoken. If you know me well, you'll know that I latch onto one specific band or artist and stick with them on a constant loop of their songs until another band sneaks in. I've been listening to Unspoken on that loop for about six months now. Coincidence? Nah. I worked for her for five months. One month prior the Lord started infiltrating my head with life-giving music. He knew.  One song, Sleep in the Storm, hit me hard a few weeks ago. It is the telling of the story ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Dumb Sheep?

My dad shared this video with me recently and I feel in love with it all over again.  It is one I've seen before, but watching it again was beautiful. In my bible study group recently, we discussed how it is impossible to trust someone that you don't know.  Most people (though we all know that one person that would) don't immediately tell someone everything about their life upon your first meeting.  You probably don't tell that person a lot even in the next few meetings.  You get to know the person.  You learn about them, what they like to do, their family, dislikes, friends, etc.  We spend time getting to know them. Back to the sheep and their shepherd---watching this video was amazing.  These sheep knew better than to answer to anyone else, but their shepherd.  They knew his voice.  They knew his ways.  And they trusted him.  The second he started calling to them, their heads lifted.  HE was their guide.  They hav...
Post a Comment
Read more

Timing is everything, right?

That's what the old adage says, right?  Timing is everything? I guess it depends on what we're talking about.  Timing meant a lot to thousands of people on 9/11.  Timing means a lot to athletes.  Timing means a lot when words are spoken. So what about the Lord's timing?  I saw a quote today that read:  His timing is rarely ours, but it's always perfect. (Amy Carroll, author) Hmm...in my deepest places in my heart, I believe that.  But, at the surface, sometimes I question.  Yeah, I'm REALLY human! :) The devotional I've been doing is one for writers and has been really encouraging, enlightening and interesting.  I was encouraged to write a timeline of my life events to see if I could piece together where it was the Lord is guiding my life...how He is using me in ministry.  (We are ALL ministers that love and follow Christ, by the way.)  So, let's look at my timeline for a sec: *began working in the youth group at First Ass...
Post a Comment
Read more