Lessons Learned

This week in my prayer time one morning, I felt the Lord show me some correlations to a few things I've been going through. One thing has been an issue I've dealt with for years. The other is recent. But seeing how He brings things together is always a little awe-inspiring to me.

Let's start with the more recent development: physical therapy.

About a year ago I started having terrible heel pain on my right foot. It would get worse after I spent full days on my feet. The evenings after a day of baking or decorating were terrible. I chose not to go to the doctor for reasons I'll share in a minute here so I tried all the remedies I could think of, but nothing worked. When I couldn't take it anymore, I relented and went to the doctor who sent me to the podiatrist. There I had x-rays done to confirm the diagnosis of plantar fasciitis with a falling arch. 

Then came therapy. My main therapist met with me the first day to do measurements and further tests to see how he'd best help me. I told him I knew I wasn't wearing preferred footwear and he smiled. He told me he hadn't wanted to bring it up, but... (Yeah, yeah. I knew it was time to give up the fight for free piggies.)

In the last six weeks, he, another lady, and myself have all worked diligently to rehab my foot. There have been lots of stretches, homework, and massages (those I don't mind too much). 

Back to the issue I've dealt with for a long time. I often will choose not to go to the doctor for various issues because so many times, SO MANY, the problem I present to them is handed back to me with the words, "If you lost the weight, ________ wouldn't be an issue."

I've lost track of how many times that has been told to me. Yep, there are some occasions that it is warranted, and I hear it loud and clear. But there are just times when it's a cop-out and unfair. The worst time I've ever experienced this phrase was when an ENT I saw because I'd been coughing so bad that I had two spells where I actually passed out. She tried to blame it on my neck being "too big" and it was closing in on itself so that was why I was coughing! She also went on to tell me that because of my size she was also sure that I had GERD and/or acid reflux and that I'd need to take a medication and raise the head of my bed. (I refused to go back to her and went on to the allergist who has since addressed my problem which were severe allergies.)

Okay, back to where the Lord brought things together for me.

I chose NOT to go to the doctor for almost a year because I didn't want to be told it was a weight issue and sent on my way. Though I have a lot more weight to rehome somewhere else, I have lost weight in the last year, but my heart was a bit too fragile to hear this. When I had no choice, I finally caved and went, but I was so worried they'd judge me - again. 

This time around, I found nothing of the sort. From the original referring doctor to the podiatrist to the two therapists, not one has been judgmental. They have all been kind, supportive, and encouraging, working diligently with me to make me well again. 

As I was praying this week, the Lord nailed me with this thought: Who have I judged and not given enough time, love, or attention to because I thought that their own choices got them into that mess?

Many doctors choose to think that because a person is overweight that they don't care and sit on their couches and eat donuts all day. There can be many contributing factors that lead a person to that place. And once you find yourself in a place of despair and the people that should be encouraging and helping you are putting you down, how do they think you'll be able to pull yourself out with the load of criticism they just heaped on you?

I wonder how many people I've pre-judged and left them in their despair. That thought killed me knowing what the judgment of the doctors has done to my psyche. How many times have I seen a news article and assumed that person deserved their sentence because how could they ever get to the point of committing that kind of crime? Why should I give money to that person on the corner when they don't care enough to get a job? Why should I forgive that person for the way they treated me? Why shouldn't I assume that the kid who just brought a gun to school was just a delinquent with bad parents?

See what I'm saying? 

We aren't the judges or the jury. We are the ministers of Jesus's hope, forgiveness, love, mercy, compassion, and redemption. 

I can't promise that I'll reserve judgment on everything for the rest of my days. I'm still human. But this correlation into very painful moments for me to how I may have unknowingly caused painful moments for others has really impacted me. And boy am I grateful for the Lord's mercy in my own life!