I've said it before, but I'll repeat it again. The saddest words I have to type on a regular basis working for an attorney are: "The bonds of matrimony existing between Petitioner and Respondent are hereby dissolved." Man, I hate those words. They tug at my heart each time I'm forced to type them.
By the time a party ends up in our office, almost all of them have no desire, not an ounce of try left in them. Many are convinced they are no longer in love. Most wouldn't consider reconciliation if you paid them. Some come in with a new significant other, ready to get the formalities out of the way so they can move on with the new person in their life that completes them.
Please don't read this as an affront to all that have been divorced. I'm not naive enough to believe that all marriages can be salvaged. There are physical reasons, emotional reasons, etc., that just cannot be overlooked sometimes. And, sometimes, it's simply the other party moving on without you leaving no choices for you. PLEASE see my heart and understand there is no judgment to you. These are just thoughts on my heart.
By the time a file comes across my desk, I'm very aware of the details of their marriage: children, jobs, property, financials and causes of concern. What I DON'T get a chance to see is their beginning. I have their wedding date that will now be inserted into a Petition for Dissolution of Marriage, but I don't get to see their love story, where things began and where it began to unravel. I don't get to hear about their first meeting, their first timid smile to the other, the first time they knew their life wouldn't be complete without that other person. I DO get to hear about a laundry list of things they now hate about that person, about how they can't believe they ever fell for that person, how they can't take another minute of being married.
I've enjoyed my times with the Lord recently. I knew I needed to change some things, largely my time I spend with Him. I was giving Him my leftovers rather than my first course. And, during these early mornings we've spent together recently, I've been able to rekindle my love for Him. I've also seen how much I'd denied myself by not spending quality time with Him. As I stopped to think about my "love story" with the Lord, I went back to being an 8 year old when I accepted Jesus into my heart for the first time. By Junior High, I was still learning about my faith, but knew in my heart I was loved and cared for. By the time I hit Senior High, I found myself alone in my faith often, even though I was in a Christian school and active in church. I was often labeled the "goodie two shoe" and "teacher's pet" and found it hard to relate to my peers. But, in my heart, I was still seeking Him consistently and finding His strength to love others and share Him the best I understood to. By the time I graduated, I was active in a youth group and their leadership and found myself growing by leaps and bounds in my relationship with Christ. I finally had like-minded friends and loved life. By the time my time ended at that church (and badly, I might add), I was crushed. I wasn't sure of what happened and questioned the Lord a LOT. And, I didn't attend church for about two years after that. Yep, ME! I still read my bible and prayed, but I was so hurt by the church and the actions of a few people that I couldn't bring myself to go to another church. I finally mustered the strength and courage to look for another church. Found a place I liked and attended for two years, but quit going there after one day, the same greeter who I saw weekly asked me if I was a visitor. I realized that I hadn't made one friend, had been approached by no one at this church. By THIS time, my dad was pastoring a small church and I began going there, eventually taking on the youth group and writing and directing plays. LOVED this time in my life. Unfortunately, church politics brought this time to an end in a blaze of accusations and pain....
There would be several other churches after this one before I found my place (for now :) at Heartland. I don't say that because I have plans on leaving or because I'm unhappy. Just because I've found a trend in my life...I hope you're not too bored and will stick out the rest of my thoughts for just a little longer. There's a point, I promise!
God is in ME. And with that, love is in me, too. My journey of faith didn't get to where it is now because of anyone else, not because of any one church. It got to this point because of two beings involved: A relentless, merciful, loving God who created me and pursued me and ME, a fallible, emotional girl who determined to keep holding the hand of and loving that loving God.
Back to what I was talking about with relationships. My guess is that a lot of those marriages (again not all) lost their love stories in the muddle of life along the way, blaming the other for their loss.
By the time a party ends up in our office, almost all of them have no desire, not an ounce of try left in them. Many are convinced they are no longer in love. Most wouldn't consider reconciliation if you paid them. Some come in with a new significant other, ready to get the formalities out of the way so they can move on with the new person in their life that completes them.
Please don't read this as an affront to all that have been divorced. I'm not naive enough to believe that all marriages can be salvaged. There are physical reasons, emotional reasons, etc., that just cannot be overlooked sometimes. And, sometimes, it's simply the other party moving on without you leaving no choices for you. PLEASE see my heart and understand there is no judgment to you. These are just thoughts on my heart.
By the time a file comes across my desk, I'm very aware of the details of their marriage: children, jobs, property, financials and causes of concern. What I DON'T get a chance to see is their beginning. I have their wedding date that will now be inserted into a Petition for Dissolution of Marriage, but I don't get to see their love story, where things began and where it began to unravel. I don't get to hear about their first meeting, their first timid smile to the other, the first time they knew their life wouldn't be complete without that other person. I DO get to hear about a laundry list of things they now hate about that person, about how they can't believe they ever fell for that person, how they can't take another minute of being married.
I've enjoyed my times with the Lord recently. I knew I needed to change some things, largely my time I spend with Him. I was giving Him my leftovers rather than my first course. And, during these early mornings we've spent together recently, I've been able to rekindle my love for Him. I've also seen how much I'd denied myself by not spending quality time with Him. As I stopped to think about my "love story" with the Lord, I went back to being an 8 year old when I accepted Jesus into my heart for the first time. By Junior High, I was still learning about my faith, but knew in my heart I was loved and cared for. By the time I hit Senior High, I found myself alone in my faith often, even though I was in a Christian school and active in church. I was often labeled the "goodie two shoe" and "teacher's pet" and found it hard to relate to my peers. But, in my heart, I was still seeking Him consistently and finding His strength to love others and share Him the best I understood to. By the time I graduated, I was active in a youth group and their leadership and found myself growing by leaps and bounds in my relationship with Christ. I finally had like-minded friends and loved life. By the time my time ended at that church (and badly, I might add), I was crushed. I wasn't sure of what happened and questioned the Lord a LOT. And, I didn't attend church for about two years after that. Yep, ME! I still read my bible and prayed, but I was so hurt by the church and the actions of a few people that I couldn't bring myself to go to another church. I finally mustered the strength and courage to look for another church. Found a place I liked and attended for two years, but quit going there after one day, the same greeter who I saw weekly asked me if I was a visitor. I realized that I hadn't made one friend, had been approached by no one at this church. By THIS time, my dad was pastoring a small church and I began going there, eventually taking on the youth group and writing and directing plays. LOVED this time in my life. Unfortunately, church politics brought this time to an end in a blaze of accusations and pain....
There would be several other churches after this one before I found my place (for now :) at Heartland. I don't say that because I have plans on leaving or because I'm unhappy. Just because I've found a trend in my life...I hope you're not too bored and will stick out the rest of my thoughts for just a little longer. There's a point, I promise!
God is in ME. And with that, love is in me, too. My journey of faith didn't get to where it is now because of anyone else, not because of any one church. It got to this point because of two beings involved: A relentless, merciful, loving God who created me and pursued me and ME, a fallible, emotional girl who determined to keep holding the hand of and loving that loving God.
Back to what I was talking about with relationships. My guess is that a lot of those marriages (again not all) lost their love stories in the muddle of life along the way, blaming the other for their loss.
Eccleciastes 4:12 says, "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
Our relationships are only as good as our relationship with Christ.
You might have just laughed out loud at this point remembering my extremely single status wondering why on earth I thought it was okay to discuss relationships after never having a romantic relationship in my life. While that is true and I don't blame you for that thought crossing your mind, I have always had a sweet relationship with a loving God. And if that is the only relationship I have to fall back on, I'll take it.
Okay, I've rambled on and on and am impressed if you're still reading this! But, I hope you can stop to take stock of your own journey of faith and see where the Lord has carried you when you couldn't take one more step, to see where He has led you when you stepped out in faith, to see where He has wiped your tears after someone let you down and to see where He has been needed each step of the way.
If your relationship with the Lord is struggling, I pray you don't choose "divorce". I pray you dig deep and find the roots of faith in His Word, with His people and with Him directly. "Seek firs the kingdom of God..." (Matt. 6:33) "Seek and you WILL find..." (Matt. 7:7)
Hang on, friends! True love is yours. Oh, He loves you so much. (And, so do I!)
I agree seeing those words dissolved marriage are crushing to your soul. I went into the meeting with the lawyer completely defeated knowing I had tried everything but knowing I was rejected by the person who had promised to Love me for life. As soon as the first page came and I saw our anniversary and where we were married the tears began to stream down my face 19 years of marriage gone. I don't even know who I am anymore. During this time I chose a church that is helping me heal and learning to love again. I'm still broken and most days I can't imagine even getting through the day but with Gods strength I made it another day.
ReplyDeleteAww, Amy. Your cases are the hardest I see. There is sadly nothing more to do when the fight for the marriage has left the other person. I’m so sorry you are walking this difficult path, but so grateful you still at choosing God. When we walk away from Him, it becomes so much harder. I’ll be praying for your healing heart. (((Hugs)))
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