Finding Myself

Last February I spent the month stressed and worried about what I was supposed to be doing with my life.  I was working full-time as an assistant to an attorney, working part-time as a Thirty-One Consultant and part-time as a Chaplain at a retirement home.  Plus, my life as an aunt, sister and daughter were pretty amazingly full and chaotic. Add trying to be a good friend and running a bible study and you could see where the stress was overwhelming.

I prayed and prayed and the answer that finally came was not what I expected nor what I hoped.  The clear decision was to resign chaplaincy.  For 7 1/2 years, I got to know the most amazing bunch of seniors and the staff that cared for them. I laughed with them so hard, held their hands as they were dying, had long discussions about life, family and the past with them and prepared countless sermons to deliver for their Sunday services.  It was a job I loved dearly.

I couldn’t understand why THIS was the best option.  I prayed more and felt the Lord speak to me as audibly as I had ever heard Him speak.  I told him that they need me. He told me that they need HIM, not me.  He reminded me HE would take care of them and that I needed to take some time for me.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago...

I found myself finally after a YEAR starting to get bored!  It has taken that long for me to not feel stressed and pulled in every direction. It’s taken that long relax and to breathe. I was doing so many things, good things, important things, but I was losing focus, I was losing direction.  I was losing me.

The last few months I’ve found myself coming to end of my projects, things that have gone undone for years.  I’ve even learned to enjoy Netflix!  And I’ve noticed a “stirring” in me...that the Lord is preparing new opportunities for me to get involved with, but I needed to finish one last project — organizing hundreds upon hundreds of pictures I’ve taken over the years!

This is just a SMALL glimpse of what I’m talking about. 😳 I have scrapbooks that I have wanted to do for years and stacks of photos and albums that remain empty!  After a few hours of sorting, this is what I ended up with— a huge mess!

I’ve even spent hours taking hundreds more photos and assembling them into regular photo albums.

Sheesh! The memories have been fun to relive, but the realization that I let my personal plans go by the wayside for years make me sad...even frustrated.

Moral of my long, sad story?  Don’t lose yourself.  Ministry is important.  It is what we’re called to: whether organized in a church setting or whether you minister to your family and friends.  But your health is so important, too.

A year. It took me a year to unwind.  It’s been a good year and I’ve learned so much about myself, spent a lot of time with the Lord and I am getting excited about the future...but, first, this mountain of photos clearly aren’t scrapbooking themselves!