Notes to Self...and whoever's listening

In my last post I mentioned this would be the "rest of the story". I realized a bit ago that this actually is just the middle of the story as God hasn't shown me the "rest" yet. Again, I'm not going to go through and edit this. Again, I'm just being real, typos and all. Where we left off, I'd left my job and now you understand why more fully. It was my mental health or working for her. I chose health. A few weeks before I left, I'd heard a song by my current favorite band, Unspoken. If you know me well, you'll know that I latch onto one specific band or artist and stick with them on a constant loop of their songs until another band sneaks in. I've been listening to Unspoken on that loop for about six months now. Coincidence? Nah. I worked for her for five months. One month prior the Lord started infiltrating my head with life-giving music. He knew.  One song, Sleep in the Storm, hit me hard a few weeks ago. It is the telling of the story ...

September has always been a great month, largely because our family celebrates six birthdays in one week! Add to that it's the beginning of Fall on either my brother's birthday or mine. September is a great month. This year. 2023? It was a rough one. Besides additional physical struggles for my sister, September 8th I quit my job. Many of you know a bit about the why, but I'm going to go a little more in depth here - partly so I can be transparent and partly because it is healing for me. I started this latest job with a renowned attorney in the Rockford/Loves Park/Byron area in April, leaving a job behind where the environment was "frosty" and the attorney I worked with swore like a sailor. Many are able to get past that, but I cringe every time I hear swearing and let me tell you, I cringed all day long every day. There were other major issues, but this isn't about that job. From day one with this new attorney, I realized it may have been a mistake to come he...

This week in my prayer time one morning, I felt the Lord show me some correlations to a few things I've been going through. One thing has been an issue I've dealt with for years. The other is recent. But seeing how He brings things together is always a little awe-inspiring to me. Let's start with the more recent development: physical therapy. About a year ago I started having terrible heel pain on my right foot. It would get worse after I spent full days on my feet. The evenings after a day of baking or decorating were terrible. I chose not to go to the doctor for reasons I'll share in a minute here so I tried all the remedies I could think of, but nothing worked. When I couldn't take it anymore, I relented and went to the doctor who sent me to the podiatrist. There I had x-rays done to confirm the diagnosis of plantar fasciitis with a falling arch.  Then came therapy. My main therapist met with me the first day to do measurements and further tests to see how he...

Her name is Janice.  Who? The homeless woman who lives in the alley across the street from my work. She has a cart and a small suitcase always by her side. She always sleeps sitting up - at least anytime I see her. I've taken her a bag of water and some snacks once. I pray for her a lot. Until yesterday, I'd only spoken to her once - the time I dropped off the water and snacks. I told her my name and asked her hers. She spoke it quietly, barely above a whisper.  Yesterday I saw her standing at the end of the alley rather than sleeping in the back of it. I dug through my purse and pulled out two fives. I unrolled my window and drove up to her at the alley. I called her name to get her to come to me. Her head shot up and she just stared at me. She seemed shocked to be called that or that I remembered her. Then she came to me and we talked and I handed her the money. A few seconds after she left my car, I heard the manager of another local business call her by her name and ask ho...

You know how family businesses often say ______ & Son(s)? I giggled last night when I thought of how silly that would sound with "& Daughter" at the end. It's just not usually done - honestly, I've never seen it done. Have you?  The other thing that a company like that represents is often a mechanic's shop or a furniture store. Can't even think of other possibilities now that I'm actually trying to.  Anyway, these families share the family business. The elder male teaches the younger one the family business. Even Joseph taught Jesus the family business of carpentry. I'm guessing that a lot is learned during the younger years for the son being taught side-by-side by his father who may have been taught by his father and so on...  Why this line of thought? Glad you asked. I "joined" the family business myself. But it wasn't mechanics or carpentry or anything handy with tools of any kind. If you know my father, well, you'd underst...

There are only a few times in my life that I've sensed the Lord "talking" to me almost audibly. The moment is sacred and it leaves me grinning because I KNOW that I KNOW that I KNOW that was Him.  This happened on Friday. The Roe v. Wade decision had been handed down a few hours earlier. I alerted my parents then was mulling over in my head how I might respond to the news to put it on social media. I felt as a Christian I needed to say something. So I took to social media and began scrolling. Most of the posts were full of anger. LOTS of anger. Then you had the few posts that expressed their joy. Finally I came across one post that was in support of the ruling, but was also highlighting the very real needs of women facing this decision and it made me think of some of the issues in ways I hadn't before.  I asked her if I could copy her post and she readily gave me permission.  But I felt a hesitation to post. At that moment I didn't realize God would be talking to ...

But blessed is the one who trusts in the L ord , whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. Jeremiah 17:7-8   Life hasn't been super easy lately. Like-it's been hard. Personally harder than I can remember it being in longer than...well, I don't know. I've talked a little about it. Shared a little about it. Told a little on social media about it. But the deep things - the things that have kept me up at night and brought torrents of tears? Nope, only a few have heard those things. We don't all have to hear everyone's deepest hurts, frustrations, and pains. We just need to realize that at any moment, someone might be living some of their deepest struggles. I don't know when life is going to calm down. I wish there was an end date so I could look forward to that...

I love when the Lord just stops me. I was getting ready this morning and my mind had gone back to thinking about frustrations about Covid and reading OTHERS frustrations with masks, etc. In all honesty, it's been weighing on my heavily this week. I can't stand conflict, whether it directly affects me or not.  I DO NOT LIKE CONFLICT.  My heart races, my hands go ice cold, my face flames hot, and my mind obsesses about the issue at hand. See why I hate conflict? It is physically frustrating. Anyway, the latest issue that is forefront in my mind is the mask issue in schools. With the lawsuit brought against the Governor here in IL, a judge ruled that the mask mandate was not something that could be upheld in schools which sent schools in a frenzy. Did they unilaterally ignore everything they've done up until now and remove all masking? Do they make it optional? Do they uphold what they've done? They've had a tough road. THEN, where MY frustrations came in were with the...

Well, let me rephrase that. Heaven isn't going to BE for everybody. It was designed for everyone. Heaven is the most wonderous place none of us has ever been. The Bible depicts it, scholars have done their best and even a few people claim to have been and returned. But only those walking there right now truly know the magnitude of its grandeur.  This past week, America lost the iconic Betty White. She brought the world to tears of laughter nearly every time she stepped onto a stage or appeared on our tv screens. Her laughter was infectious. Her concern for animals endearing. And her ability to disarm even the most seasoned Hollywood actor was unforgettable. What catches me off guard every time a celebrity passes away is the quotes, memes and photos depicting said celebrity in heaven. Here are a few from Betty's passing... Don't hate me yet! I promise there is no malice intended nor do I intend to speak ill of the departed. The issue I have is with declaring that someone cle...

Fizzy and I learned a painful lesson last week. Him: going outside upsets the humans. Me: catching a cat in the "wild" can lead to wounds that will likely leave scars.  Fizzy is one of our rescue kitties we got last summer. He's just over a year old now and has quite an adventurous streak. He is often the one leading the charge whenever the naughtiness is underway in our home. He's also a lover who demands pets and purrs louder than I've ever heard come out of a cat!  Cue his adventurous streak last Wednesday. He decided a little run outside while my sister was bringing in groceries would be fun. He went into our neighbor's yard (the one with a larger dog who luckily wasn't out at the time). There he chased a bunny and had the time of his short life while my sister and I tried to corral him. We finally cornered him and my sister told me to grab him since I was closest. I leaned down and grabbed his scruff/neck, but before I ever had a chance to bring his b...

Yep. You read that right. I'm 46 years old today and I've never had a romantic kiss. (And if you're really thinking about that, no, I have never had a boyfriend either.) Why am I sharing that?  A sweet friend turned 43 last month and she and her friend turning the same age quipped that they were "43 and up a tree!" I laughed and told her that I would be worried what they would say about me turning 46! She decided "46 just for kicks". I told her that would be okay if I thought I could get my legs up to kick these days! :) But as I've thought about things a lot more this past month as I usually do leading up to my birthday, this theme is what continued to play out in my mind. I honestly find myself depressed around my birthday because I end up thinking about what I've not accomplished and the fact that I'm STILL single after another rotation around the sun. Seriously...after rotating around the sun 28 since turning the age to vote, I thought I...

Welcome to the First Church of America - A Little Something I Wrote. Click on the pink writing to read that. :) I've sat in sadness and horror these past few days as the news has given us just small glimpses into the collapse of the Afghan government. Politics aside, which is difficult in that is seems that is what is at the heart of this mess, I'm heartbroken for the people. Today the pictures showed a plane stuffed likely beyond capacity of people leaving their homeland with little more than what clothes they were wearing just to escape the evil regime now in charge. But for every one that escaped, how many more were left? How many women and children will suffer atrocities at the hands of evil now? How many young boys will be forced to be soldiers? How many men will be forced to choose family or country? How many Christians will lose their lives just because they bear that name: Christian? Heartbreaking. I'll admit to not being one that is always up to date on what is hap...

It’s been a long year. I’ve held up as well as the next, I’m guessing. Mostly okay with bouts of frustration and a few meltdowns and tears. You? I’ve spent the last week since I ran away thinking through some things and something hit me a few nights ago. And it reminded me I’m just a broken human in need of God’s grace.  Prior to Covid I had a group of friends that I reached out to immediately to pray for and with me for a variety of things. Sometimes I’d reach out with huge, life-changing circumstances and sometimes just worrisome complaints. They didn’t judge, they didn’t question, they just prayed and encouraged.  They still would...if I’d been messaging them. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Somewhere in the last year, I stopped reaching out. I can’t tell you when. I can’t tell you why. I just know that when recently considering something rather “big” in my life that is upcoming, I realized I hadn’t reached out and been covered in prayer like I normally would be at this point.  And I felt lon...

 We're all feeling stress these days. It's everywhere. It continues to come at us from all sides and there is just no where to escape it. The news is saturated so much it is sickening. Money is tight and every where you turn, the prices are going up. We haven't spent much true, quality time with friends in over a year. And, let's be honest. This weather hasn't been very helpful, either! Is it winter? Fall? Summer? Spring? Or just a Monday?! It all came crashing down on me last Thursday and I couldn't take it another day. So, I decided that on Friday I was running away. But, like a young child threatening to do the same, I didn't execute it very well to start. I told my family. :) My sister reminded me that the first rule in running away was not telling anyone. Yeah, well I don't follow rules very well anyway! Second, I fretted about where to go into the wee hours of the night! Spontaneity is NOT my strong suit! I'm terrible at it! I need a plan, a li...